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Good Clean Humor and Jokes (1 Viewer)
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There are several guys, regulars in their favorite watering hole. The time is several hours past the end of happy hour, approaching 11 PM.
Guy #1 looks at his watch and says “oh no, every time I stay late here my wife catches me and yells when I get home. Even if it’s late and she’s already in bed, I come in the house as quietly as possible. I even park outside the garage so I don’t have to open the garage door. I walk quietly up the stairs. I take off my work clothes outside the bedroom in the hallway. But no matter what I do she wakes up and says ‘I made dinner and you stayed out late with your bar buddies!’” Then I’m in the doghouse for a few days.
Guy #2 jumps in to say, no, no, you’re doing it all wrong.
When I come home late I park in the garage. I open and close the garage door a few times for extra effect. In the kitchen I rattle a few glasses, I turn on the faucet. I even trip walking up the stairs. When I get into the bedroom, I bump into something when I take off my clothes, and throw my shoes on the floor. Then when I crawl in to bed, I gently shake my loving wife’s shoulder a few times, and whisper “Wake up honey, let’s have sex!” She mumbles some words, rolls over and pretends to be asleep. I go along with this and pretend to believe her.
The next morning the incident is not mentioned and we both go about our day like nothing ever happened!
Guy #1 looks at his watch and says “oh no, every time I stay late here my wife catches me and yells when I get home. Even if it’s late and she’s already in bed, I come in the house as quietly as possible. I even park outside the garage so I don’t have to open the garage door. I walk quietly up the stairs. I take off my work clothes outside the bedroom in the hallway. But no matter what I do she wakes up and says ‘I made dinner and you stayed out late with your bar buddies!’” Then I’m in the doghouse for a few days.
Guy #2 jumps in to say, no, no, you’re doing it all wrong.
When I come home late I park in the garage. I open and close the garage door a few times for extra effect. In the kitchen I rattle a few glasses, I turn on the faucet. I even trip walking up the stairs. When I get into the bedroom, I bump into something when I take off my clothes, and throw my shoes on the floor. Then when I crawl in to bed, I gently shake my loving wife’s shoulder a few times, and whisper “Wake up honey, let’s have sex!” She mumbles some words, rolls over and pretends to be asleep. I go along with this and pretend to believe her.
The next morning the incident is not mentioned and we both go about our day like nothing ever happened!
Glad to have you back!
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A man boarded an airplane and took his seat. As he settled in, he glanced up and saw the most beautiful woman boarding the plane.
He soon realized She was heading straight towards his seat.
As fate would have it, she took the seat right beside his: Eager to strike up a conversation he blurted out. "Business trip or pleasure?
"She turned, smiled and said. "Business. I’m going to the Annual Nymphomaniacs of America Convention in Boston."
He swallowed hard. Here was the most gorgeous woman he had ever seen Sitting next to him and she was going to a meeting of nymphomaniacs!
Struggling to maintain his composure, he calmly asked. “What’s your Business at this convention?"
“Lecturer." She responded. "I use information that I have learned from my Personal experiences to debunk some of the popular myths about sexuality."
“Really?” He said. “And what kind of myths are there?”
“Well.” She explained. “One popular myth is that African-American men are The most well-endowed of all men, when in fact it is the Native American Indian who is most likely to possess that trait.
Another popular myth is That Frenchmen are the best lovers, when actually it is men of Mexican Descent who are the best.
I have also discovered that the lover with Absolutely the best stamina is the Southern Redneck."
Suddenly the woman became a little uncomfortable and blushed.. "I’m Sorry." She said, “I shouldn't really be discussing all of this with you. I don’t even know your name."
"Tonto." The man said. "Tonto Gonzales, but my friends call me Bubba."
He soon realized She was heading straight towards his seat.
As fate would have it, she took the seat right beside his: Eager to strike up a conversation he blurted out. "Business trip or pleasure?
"She turned, smiled and said. "Business. I’m going to the Annual Nymphomaniacs of America Convention in Boston."
He swallowed hard. Here was the most gorgeous woman he had ever seen Sitting next to him and she was going to a meeting of nymphomaniacs!
Struggling to maintain his composure, he calmly asked. “What’s your Business at this convention?"
“Lecturer." She responded. "I use information that I have learned from my Personal experiences to debunk some of the popular myths about sexuality."
“Really?” He said. “And what kind of myths are there?”
“Well.” She explained. “One popular myth is that African-American men are The most well-endowed of all men, when in fact it is the Native American Indian who is most likely to possess that trait.
Another popular myth is That Frenchmen are the best lovers, when actually it is men of Mexican Descent who are the best.
I have also discovered that the lover with Absolutely the best stamina is the Southern Redneck."
Suddenly the woman became a little uncomfortable and blushed.. "I’m Sorry." She said, “I shouldn't really be discussing all of this with you. I don’t even know your name."
"Tonto." The man said. "Tonto Gonzales, but my friends call me Bubba."
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